WWE Monday Night Raw
From: Toledo, Ohio
Guest Host: Jon Lovitz
The show started off with Batista being helped to the ring by a pair of referees. His ribs were taped, his arm was in a sling, and he was limping badly. He sat in a wheelchair once in the ring. He started talking about how he was hurt and the reason he quit was because his life was being threatened. He went on to say how John Cena needs to give him a rematch once he is healed. He then got interrupted by the ring announcer saying he was told to introduce the new Raw General Manager, out came Bret Hart. Hart explained how if Cena was still champ at the Fatal 4-Way he will have to face three opponents. Those opponents will be decided in a series of qualifying matches. If Batista wanted a shot at the title all he had to do was win his qualifying match tonight. Batista refused because he was injured, Hart pointed out that his opponent was also injured… Randy Orton. Batista refused still, and Hart declared Orton the winner by forfeit. So despite being hurt Randy Orton is scheduled to be in the match at Fatal 4-Way. Batista threw a tantrum and finally screamed that he was quitting.
I was happy to hear that Orton might not be injured enough to miss a lot of time. Especially since I just learned that the live Raw event coming here to Tulsa in July has a scheduled main event of Cena and Orton vs. Edge and Shaemus.
Next up was a qualifying match for that same title match at Fatal 4-Way.
Shaemus vs. Mark Henry
Yes, Shaemus won. Kind of obvious since Henry has been nowhere near the title picture lately.
So far in the match are Shaemus, Randy Orton, and Cena if he is champion.
At this point Edge was telling Bret Hart why he deserved to be put in the match. Out came Chris Jericho to do the same thing. Hart made a Triple Threat match for later in the night, Edge vs. Jericho vs. John Cena. If either of them win they are in the match, if Cena wins they are out.
Diva’s Tag Team Match
Eve & Gail Kim vs. Maryse & Alicia Fox
Maryse hit the French Kiss on Eve and pinned her for the win. I would like to revoke part of my statement about how good Eve has been getting. She “hit” two dropkicks during this match that were a good 4-6 inches away from even touching Maryse. lol She did hit another standing Moonsault, although it was the beginning of the end for her in the match.
Due to Bret Hart being named Raw General Manager he had to forfeit the United States Championship that he won last week. So there was a match on the way to decide the new U.S. Champ.
United States Championship Match for vacant title
The Miz vs. R-Truth
It was a rather competitive match that went back and forth. In the end R-Truth hit the Lie Detector and pinned The Miz to become the new U.S. Champion.
After an interview with John Cena it was time for Jon Lovitz’s Superstar Search. A competition to find the superstars other talents.
The first act was Runjin Singh and The Great Khali singing Taco’s Puttin’ On The Ritz. It was a performance similar that in Young Frankenstein, just not nearly as good. Lovitz let them sing for a bit before buzzing them off the stage. Next out was Jillian Hall, he buzzed her before she even got out on her mark to start singing. Lovitz said this was a waste of time, so instead he would find the real talent in the audience. Joe came in from the audience, his talent was to remove his eye from his face. Turns out he was for real, but the eye wasn’t. It was his fake eye, but he did pull it out.
At this point Ted DiBiase and Virgil came down to the ring. DiBiase wanted to buy Joe’s eye. Joe turned him down and DiBiase threatened he would beat him and then take his eye if he didn’t sell it to him. Out came Santino to protect Joe using the “Fast Freak Fiber Twitch Jugular Pinch” which Lovitz had taught him if he didn’t leave “Cyclops Boy” alone. He used it on Virgil who fell to the mat immediately. Then he tried it on DiBiase and it didn’t work. DiBiase hit him with the Dream Street. Lovitz then declared DiBiase the winner of the talent search.
So they gave Lovitz a little time to be funny, but they obviously controlled the comedy and it wasn’t all that funny really. Shame they need so much filler every week.
Time for a bit more filler.
Unified Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty vs. Vladimir Kozlov & William Regal
The match was over pretty quickly. Kidd pinned Regal.
After the match though the Hart Dynasty was attacked by three people. Jimmy & Jules Uso and Tamina. Whose real names are Jonathan & Joshua Fatu and Sarona Reiher. To explain a bit better, they are Rikishi’s sons, and Jimmy Superfly Snuka’s daughter! Great to see the family tradition lives on and on. Nice way to introduce them into the WWE too, Dynasty against Dynasty.
Then we were forced to visit with the remaining four NXT rookies.
Triple Threat Qualifying Match for Fatal 4-Way
John Cena vs. Edge vs. Chris Jericho
It came down to a frenzy of moves from all three competitors. Edge got the upper hand in it all. He shoved Cena towards Jericho who hit the Code Breaker on him. Then Edge hit the Spear on Jericho and got the pin.
To close the show Shaemus came out to stare down both Edge and Cena, then out came Randy Orton to stare them all down. I sort of assumed this would be the four in the match after seeing the main event at the Tulsa Raw that will be here in July. Sadly that means the same storyline will be played out from now until the second half of July. Things could get very boring by then. I just hope Orton really is in shape to be in the matches.
It was really not a good follow up show to Over the Limit. Although it did have its moments. Moments like The Miz NOT winning another title, and the Raw debut of Rikishi and Snuka blood.
